The Game is Over

I have been thinking about 'NSYNC lyrics all day haha so I thought I would start this blog by titling it one of my favorite songs from their No Strings Attached CD. Good times!

While I perused Lauren's Australia blog, I realized a few things:

1. My life's interest level pales in comparison to that of Lauren's and most other people's blogs lol
2. I don't blog nearly as often as I should about details of my life that I may want to reflect on later, such as certain events taking place, or hanging out with certain people and what we were doing on that occasion.
3. I thoroughly enjoy blogging!

T0 rectify the situation, I will start tonight by a summary of the last couple of days, and then really wow you with a narrative about mine and Mike's experience at Idol auditions on Friday.


So... tonight. Thoroughly enjoyable day over all. Possibly one of the best day/night combinations in quite a while. I'll start with today. For the first time in like a week I was able to catch up on some much needed sleep. I slept a couple hours Friday night after all the Idol craziness was over, then went to bed earlier than normal, got up around 12 today (Saturday) and got ready to go shopping with my mom. What you need to understand is that I never and I stress never shop with her. A few different reasons... she complains the whole time, doesn't like to linger in stores too long, constantly taking bathroom breaks even if it means re-walking the entirety of whatever marketplace we happen to be occupying... anyway I had my eye on some jeans at the Eagle on Thursday and the girl was nice enough to hold them for me until today so we went to TMP and I bought those... some pedal pushers, and some sweet polka dot pj's (which I didn't try on and, surprise surpise, did not fit! Since when is a small too big btw?). Then we went to the bathroom, then Tilly's where I bought an amazingly cute black purse for about $20 (definitely have never had a solid black purse). Then we went to Victoria's Secret!!! Yay...

I found some undies, and almost bought that amazing Biofit bra (which, to date, is probably the most comfortable bra I have ever put on) but it is $42 or something outrageous and I just didn't see myself putting it on my credit card. I don't necessarily need it (although I am obsessed with it at this point) and it will always be there. Maybe another time I can get it on sale. Anyway, I ended up getting another free PINK bag, which you get with ANY PINK purchase (even like the $2 undies I bought lol). I plan on using it tomorrow for whatever oddities I find at IKEA tomorrow with Bre.

After shopping my mom and I went to Lucille's for dinner. Amazing as usual. Beautiful men working there per the usual. Unfortunately the object of my affection was too far away for me to read his name tag but I assure you whole-heartedly of his attractiveness lol... you would be in love too. I got a phone call from Bre and she said that someone in Europe used her card somehow to buy gas fraudulently! WTF! You can't trust anybody! Well luckily the bank knew that she was out of town then so they caught it before anything bad happened to her credit, praise God for that! Money is such a tricky thing.

Around 6:15 Bre and I headed out for Third Format and had a great night there... Jeremy preached about homelessness and how we need to be a lot more willing to help God's unfortunate than we currently are. I was obviously made extremely uncomfortable by the message because of the stereotype I give homeless people, that most of them will not use the money they ask you for and sometimes receive, wisely. I would be far more likely to buy them a meal, and have had a consistent desire to do so, but am never in a situation where that is possible. It is always at the side of the freeway where I can't just ask them to jump into my truck. I wouldn't allow any stranger to do that, homeless or not. I prefer to live.

Afterwards, I was able to talk to the awesome intern boys of Camp Trek who I will thoroughly miss when they all go back to Indiana. Should have definitely gone with them to the movie tonight, it would have been nice to spend some extra time with them. But I had a great time with Bre; we stayed after 3F to watch The Princess Bride in the amphitheater, had some free pizza/chips/water (gotta love Nestle bottled water for sure). Not a bad movie if I do say so myself. The guy from Robin Hood: Men in Tights plays Wesley, and he is a funny actor, I like him. We sat in the grass for an hour and a half feeling like we were getting bitten and crawled all over by bugs, then we got up and headed back to my house. She left early to get a shower in before going to sleep, and we are going to IKEA like I said, tomorrow afternoon. I'm stoked; maybe I can find some sweet stuff for my room at PV East?

Well heck, I am really freaking tired, I have much more to say but I guess it will have to wait. I'll let you guys know if IKEA is doing anything great yet for the back-to-school season. They usually do it up so we'll see what happens. I want a laptop desk still! :)

Aim

Survey

If you haven't already voted, I have reopened the survey at the bottom of my blog for your voting pleasure. Feel free to discuss via this blog post.

I Cannot Hide It; You're Not That Easy to Forget

I still feel awful. In my head, anyway. I keep asking for clarity, you know, from the big G.O.D. but it hasn't gotten any easier and like I told Kyle, I just don't feel like I've made any headway on my situation.

I went to the doctor again today and spent an hour and a half in there before talking to the specialist for ten minutes. You can imagine I was pissed, since I had to cancel lunch with Lauren which I've been looking forward to for what seems like a month. Part of me isn't sure I should be upset since I haven't paid a dime of what I've incurred for breaking my foot (thanks to worker's comp) but another part of me is angry that they feel like there's nothing wrong making patients wait forever and ever. It's like look: if you aren't going to see me at ten, make my appointment for 11:30 for God's sake! Like I have nothing better to do than sit around in your office all day. Luckily I didn't have to work or anything today, or I would have been even more upset.

So then, I end up being able to make lunch plans with Ryan :) and definitely..... all of a sudden my mom starts freaking out because she can't pay her bills online (her computer is not working for some reason) so I have to let her use my laptop, then when she does, she finds out that they can't process the payment until Monday (A day late) and she freaking loses her mind. How is it my problem that she doesn't know when their online payment cut off days are? So lunch had to be cut pretty short, close to 45 minutes when I typically try to stretch my lunches out so I have more quality time with whomever I am having lunch. But it was fun to see him anyway, it's been like, what, three weeks or something?

Last night was VBS... Actually the entire week has (except Tuesday night which was dinner with Tim) and it's been a blast, tonight is the last night, and I was hoping to see The Dark Knight afterwards but pretty much everyone I've asked has some excuse why not to go (not poor excuses, but nonetheless, it is what it is). So it might end up being tomorrow for that movie. Ryan is seeing it for his second time this afternoon haha, so he already has two up on me. I'm more than a little jealous.

Also, although I complain a lot about the summer, one reason for joy is Travis came back from his mission!!! Ahh I missed him so much! We got to have lunch yesterday and it was so great to see him again. He is even hotter than when he left before lol... don't get me wrong he's always been cute, but you know what happens when guys get the chance to "grow up." And the best part is that he isn't even awkward!! We talked over Panda yesterday just like old times, and he is still as funny as ever. I'm so glad he's back :)

Other than that... I just really want this summer to be over with. It's coming very close to being finished, and I am really grateful for that. Although I've had some fun with good friends, it's just time for me to get back and do my thing. I want to get senior year over with. And before you know it, you guys, I'll be graduating! May 2009 here I come :D

Being Grown Up Isn't Half As Fun As Growing Up

After work today, I stopped by the grocery store to get some replacement Ben and Jerry's. For those of you who know me well, you know I have a weak spot for their cinnamon bun and half-baked flavored ice creams. I really don't care for any other types of ice cream (at the moment), and what I hate more than anything is ice cream by the gallon because of the way it ices up after one use. I hate icey ice cream (imagine that!) and more than icey ice cream, I hate when my ice cream disappears.

You know this story too well. Someone in your household gets a hankering for something you adore in the cabinet of your kitchen, or the freezer, and when you get hungry for it, you go looking and find out that it's not available anymore. You stomp madly around the house, questioning and quizzing every member of the residence, grilling them for details on the said missing item, and come up empty handed. Empty handed, that is, until your mom (or dad) gets home.

In my case, it's mom. I come home from a long day at the office, I am mid way through the day between lunch and dinner, and I get hungry for my Ben and Jerry's. I step to the freezer only to find the empty crevasse where my ice cream used to be. I can feel my nostrils flaring, my eyes glowing red. Only time will tell how much longer I can go, knowing that mom has once again consumed my heart's one earthly pleasure of that moment before I could even think about retrieving it.

When I am finally able to ask her about it, I try to maintain a calm report.

• "So... mom. I noticed my Ben and Jerry's is missing."
• "Is it?... Oh yeah, I ate it."
• :silence: "...WHY."
  
• "There wasn't much left."
• "That's not the point. I wanted it! AND you ate ALL of my full one!!!"
• "Did I?"
• "ARRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!" :plates clanking and crashing to the ground, dog howling, refrigerator tips, end scene:

Ok... so maybe that wasn't entirely the truth of how this scenario played out, but you now have some idea of how PISSED I get when something I really want to eat comes up missing. Especially when it's like... 11PM, I'm in no mood to get dressed and drive to Wal-Mart or Fry's just to get ice cream.

The part that is worst about this betrayal of my sweet taste buds is that my mom complains constantly about her weight, she's not happy with this area of her body, blablabla... How about this? How about you stop consuming three days' worth your daily value of fat in 20 minutes?!? I say that's a step in the right direction. I mean God! Really? And it's not like my mom is even in bad shape, but when she is always complaining, and then eats the way she does? It's not right.

This battle does not limit itself to ice cream, no. Yogurts, soda, chip variations, snack items (such as these tasty Oreo Cakesters that I'll have to hide cleverly in my room)... you name it, she will devour it. And I wouldn't even care so much if she would at least as me if she could eat all of the, or maybe even replace what she eats, but she doesn't. And I think I have a right to be upset about it despite the fact that she houses me, buys a majority of the groceries, etc... when it's things that I buy specifically for my own consumption, with my own money, that were not originally someone else's, I think I have a right to get mad.

I don't care too much if anyone agrees, but if you hear an amen for other people eating your snacks, let me have it. Now I have to go to VBS, which I'm already not too sure was such a good idea. Not because of the event, but because of certain people :sigh: I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the Kingdom!

Blessings, bbz.

You Told Me That You Could Sleep A Little Bit More

The last few days have been great. I've been a little busier than usual: Friday was Reed and Audrey's going away party, Yesterday was the lake, GEC reunion and 3F, and today I got to have lunch with Tommy and met with Eric to talk about the discussion group we are starting up... kind of a mix between a Bible study/small group and just a group of people getting together to hang out and talk about the Bible. I'm just so tired with everything I've attempted with small groups that it was time for something new. Thanks to my buddy Pat we should be starting this up in the next couple of weeks. Be praying for its time to be intentional and that our time to fellowship with others in it would be blessed!

I have been thinking a lot about the boy. I wrote him an email almost a week ago and have heard nothing back. I told Ashley that his lack of a response says way more to me than him writing anything back could ever mean... so contrary to previous belief, I am pretty upset about it. I just keep thinking back on this past semester and I just don't get him at all. I know he's busy, but hopefully he's just taking a bit more time to respond than I expected. I am still putting a package together for him. Maybe he'll be surprised by it and send me a line. I want to hear from him so bad :(

Other than that, things have been good. I've been spending lots of fun time with Bre and just enjoying life. Scrapbooking it up and... I cleaned the house a little today. It's a freaking mess as usual. I unfortunately have to work in like 4 and a half hours so I better get to bed. But I have slept a few hours already tonight so I should be good to go in the morning. I don't know why I was so tired today? The lake sure wore me out.



I miss you, I miss you.

My Big Black Boots and My Old Suitcase

Well... I've done it. I've figured out why it's so bad to get married like... right now. For people my age. And sorry if you read this and you are married and my age, haha, but I Know you will be able to relate to what I'm about to say so keep your mind open. And there are few individuals who fit into the stereotype I'm about to establish, so bare with me. Most likely if you are able to read my blog, you aren't one of them.

My mentors, such as bosses, teachers, co-workers, etc., have always asked me why on EARTH friends of mine get married so young. They can't figure it out! Well first, I explain to them what high school I hail from (Go Toros? lol)... which usually solves the mystery. If they still don't get it, I have no answer for them, because I don't know what it's like to be young and in love or in...fatuation. Haha.. that was until today.

So I"ve had friends who get in a relationship, and all of a sudden... they can't be their own person. They can't do anything without checking in with their significant other, and sometimes in extreme circumstances, if their partner can't come to said events, neither can my friend?! WTF is that? "Oh.. I'm just going to sit at home and wait for them to get off work and maybe I'll call you after that." No, screw that noise! You are two seperate entities, get your ass over here and hang out with me. Now, when babies are involved, that is something different, and completely understandable. But when you are in a new relationship, newly engaged or newly married, you have no excuse to sit at home and wait for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to come home before you are able to function independently (or a lack there of).

I think I've about covered it there. This is like a disease! Spreading! Rapidly! Yet nothing can be done about it. What a shame. For a little while there I was thinking "Oh man, it would be great to be married right now!" NO. Then I moved to, "Oh, maybe I want to be engaged right now?" DEFINITELY NOT. Heck, at this rate, I should just stay away from relationships entirely until after grad school. My functionality and productivity granted do decrease in times of twitterpation, but I at least still make time for my friends and activities that don't involve them!! Geez, come on people. Especially if you're married, or about to get married, you have the rest of your lives to socialize exclusively with yourselves, and exclude others from your personal lives. And to "only" hang out with other marrieds/couples.

Plus, I encourage my friends to tell me when I need to snap out of it and call them. But guess what? In the same way my outgoing call frequency ratio decreases, so does my incoming call frequency!! It's like everyone figures I am too busy with (insert guy here) to hang out, and that's usually not the case at all. This past semester, it was homework, hang time with the boy, and a lot of sitting around. Nobody wants to make time for me because I'm a girlfriend!? It's CRAP!

So lately I've been trying to make an effort with some individuals, and am getting pushed away. It's not just their relationship doing this though, what is also to blame is the insertion of "stuff" to fill their schedule. How does a person not have one free half hour the entire week, you ask? I do not have an answer for that. Because I ALWAYS make time for my friends, no matter how busy I am. You ask anyone. And I know some of you will read this and try to rebuke me for making that statement, because "not everyone is as holy as you" with much undue sarcasm, but it's not about being holy. It's about knowing when the right time is to just do "Stuff" and when the right time is to put "stuff" aside, remap my priorities, and engage once again in what really matters. Without each other and God, we have nothing people. Nothing. So let's build each other up in community, let's fellowship, let's save time for each other and be genuinely interested in other people's lives. Not just in passing, not just the "How's it going" when you really don't care to deal with the response if it's anything other than "Good! You?" Because we automatically register a response for that; we know the question will always eventually get directed back at ourselves so we prepare for the spotlight yet again.

So when you ask me what's up, and I say I'm ok, then ask how you're doing... I'm probably not really ok. You should investigate. Because I will be honest if I am really doing great, and I will tell you why. But the question is... will you take the time to listen?

That's my rant for today, and you can tell how much this was pressing on my heart by the fact that I'm writing a blog during lunch hour at work haha. Go figure. Things are going great today, yesterday I had a great day hanging out/swimming/shopping with MoBre, and I even made a new friend after 3F on Saturday night! :)

Also, speaking of 3F, I have to say if it wasn't for Bre I probably wouldn't be coming back week after week. Just remember that maybe, just maybe, if you're reading this, you are unfortunately part of the reason I was hesitant to come back to that worship service. And why I still hold reservations about committing to it completely as my one major worship service. I still enjoy big church, and I'm not going anywhere, because I know Central is definitely where I Belong, but the niche I had carved out for myself in Third Format has been filled already, and I don't feel needed there in the same way I used to. But I did learn a lot about myself: that I don't always have to do what other figures in the church think I should do, that makes me look like "a stronger/dare I say "better" Christian." It's between me and the big G-O-D now, folks, I'm not allowing anyone to middleman anymore. It's a bogus way to live out your faith, to let church, or "the" church interfere with what plans God has for you. Why is it that the direction you feel God is leading you in is sometimes a contradiction with what others think is the direction you should be going? Well I don't care too much about that anymore. I appreciate your input, but realy, what God is moving me to do is between me and God, not me and you and God and our pastor, and the worship leader, and, and... (not any pastor or WL specifically obviously).

If you guys feel me, give me an amen. Sorry this was real long!

Can You Still Feel the Butterflies?

Two nights ago I did something I never thought I would have the nerve to do. It's finished. I'm starting a new chapter. And he has no idea that it's off my mind. I just can't keep living life like that.


Tonight I "just watch[ed] the fireworks" with Bre and Breck in the Fiesta Mall parking lot lol... it was good considering we didn't pay and the only reason we were there was because Central didn't have a show this year because apparently they spent all the money opening the Gilbert campus? Bre and I thought a lot of people would probably still show up even though we didn't advertise, and a lot of people would probably set up to watch from their backyards and stuff and, not going to Central or paying attention to the lack of advertising, be disappointed. Anyway, "Just Watch the Fireworks." I am listening to that song by Jimmy right now. It sure makes me think of high school. Things were so much simpler then! And every day was just one enormous, exciting journey after the other. Very few responsibilities and much less to worry about. I miss those times.

I'm still waiting for more people to confirm shirt orders for the American Idol shirts. The more I read about and prepare for the auditions, the more scared I am. Just scared because if you don't make it to the next tier of auditions, they tell you right then and there. And then you go home, or you wait around I guess? I've been trying to narrow down a few songs...

- Toni Braxton "Unbreak my Heart" (although I read that they don't really want ballads)
- Krystal Harris "Love is a Beautiful Thing"
- The Beatles "Let It Be"

Good choices I think because my vocal range is not the highest or widest in the world. I have to be safe. Although AGAIN (another although, haha) I also read that while they are looking for talent in the first few auditions, they are more looking for personality and style because they can eliminate all the people with good voices and non-Idol appearance material right from the beginning. So I also have to start thinking about what would be good to wear! Any suggestions? I hate all my clothes lol

Another thing: does anyone know a good dermatologist? I need to find one. I'm getting really tired, I should go to sleep now. Bye :)

Between the Lines

What is the deal with these past couple of days being awesome? Is it just because this is what happens when you stop trying to control everything and hand God the reins again? Yeah. I basically think I have things figured out, then He surprises me with what I can't think of a better word for than a reappearance, a revitalization for my life. I have a sense that even better things are yet to come! Yay for self-discovery moments.

Me, Tim and Joey went to Lucille's and had bomb food as usual. Sweet tea! (LOVE) I studied for the GRE some, a few minutes with Lindsay as she freaked out because she can't use a calc haha.. and before that, I worked from like 9:15 to 3:50 (yay for being an hour and 15 minutes late for work because I overslept?? No!!) annnnd.... oh yeah!

Today at work I didn't have tons to do so I was intermittently distracted by the note I wrote on Facebook about myself trying out for the big Idol in 3 weeks. 12 comments. Most of whom writing words of support and expressing their interest in an aforementioned shirt creation idea?! YES. So I spent the majority of the afternoon creating a first draft of the shirt I would like my fans to wear (lol) and it looks really good. But I have a feeling a lot of guys are going to take issue with wearing a teal colored shirt with hot pink text on it?? So I am willing to consider suggestions for a different shirt design. Marc thinks black would be stylin' but I just think it's too hot to wear black :( My second color scheme choice would be Sun Devil colors!! Things are happening... I am stoked. But it's a big undertaking! I want to order at least 30 shirts so the price will be about $12/shirt (not bad) and more shirt requests than that will drive the price down dollar by dollar, at 50 shirts we could get them for $9! But I am also going to look at a couple other print shops and see what kind of deals I can get when I compare them. The shirt I made for Alex with the panda bear on it from Brand X was as much as the online company wanted to charge me per piece at 6 items!!?! SO.. just a guess but I think Brand X will be much cheaper.

I need to get in bed at some point here so I can get better sleep than last night! I only got about 3 hours and that's about a third of what I usually get (on Saturdays and such). Tomorrow is the last day of the pay period and you know what that means... one week from tomorrow I get PAID!!! First pay check from my job!! Weeee... can't wait for that sweet, sweet cash flow.

Goodnight! (Really, a good one)

Maybe You Would Have Been Something I'd be Good at?

Yay for today!! Seriously, today was probably the best day there has been since like May or April.

• Went to Pita Pit, had a delicious pita and talked to Aaron :)
• Did little to no work from 8 to 3:30 (although I was really tired)
• Got my foot XRAYed and was given a walking foot cast type dealy... who cares what it's called: NO MORE CAST!! NO MORE BOOT!! :DD
• In cooperation with the previous, GOT TO SHAVE MY LEG AND WASH MY FOOT ahh hygiene has never felt so amazing haha..
• Went to Bre's thinking we would just watch JT with some icey cream and ended up getting a bunch of snacks and a delicious Hard Lemonade sampler box (sent directly from God I assure you haha) AND watching JT live in Madison Square Garden (from September 2007)!
• Talked to Tim on FB Chat AND Skype AND via text (and at some points simultaneously) haha yikes! :)
• Thinking about that one guy but having so much other ridiculously cool stuff going on that I didn't have time to worry about some of the dumb stuff that has been happening in the last couple of days
• Oh yeah! Made plans with Tim to go to Lucille's this week! (Although I have no money and shouldn't go, I don't get paid until the 10th, oohh noooo!)
• ROB AND BIG WAS ON TV TODAY yesss... I love that show to pieces <3>

So tomorrow will be the last day I go to Pita Pit for a while. I need to save my money. I mean my credit? But I realized I was pretty much just going so I could say what's up to Aaron (which really doesn't go a whole lot further than that because they always get really busy after I order :\ )... so I'm going to see about him having a Facebook, then I don't have to go in there every day lol (but their pitas are amaaaazing!).

I am so glad Bre is moving here for good!! The last few days have been such a blessing with her and I'm glad we're friends :) Thanks for being cool!

And now... I should go to bed. I was so tired today that I actually almost slept through my appointment at the foot doctor, luckily they were gracious enough to let me come in 20 minutes late. Thank God! I couldn't stand that cast another minute!


So big ups to God for another righteous day, I'm really grateful for it! :]]