Well... I've done it. I've figured out why it's so bad to get married like... right now. For people my age. And sorry if you read this and you are married and my age, haha, but I Know you will be able to relate to what I'm about to say so keep your mind open. And there are few individuals who fit into the stereotype I'm about to establish, so bare with me. Most likely if you are able to read my blog, you aren't one of them.
My mentors, such as bosses, teachers, co-workers, etc., have always asked me why on EARTH friends of mine get married so young. They can't figure it out! Well first, I explain to them what high school I hail from (Go Toros? lol)... which usually solves the mystery. If they still don't get it, I have no answer for them, because I don't know what it's like to be young and in love or in...fatuation. Haha.. that was until today.
So I"ve had friends who get in a relationship, and all of a sudden... they can't be their own person. They can't do anything without checking in with their significant other, and sometimes in extreme circumstances, if their partner can't come to said events, neither can my friend?! WTF is that? "Oh.. I'm just going to sit at home and wait for them to get off work and maybe I'll call you after that." No, screw that noise! You are two seperate entities, get your ass over here and hang out with me. Now, when babies are involved, that is something different, and completely understandable. But when you are in a new relationship, newly engaged or newly married, you have no excuse to sit at home and wait for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to come home before you are able to function independently (or a lack there of).
I think I've about covered it there. This is like a disease! Spreading! Rapidly! Yet nothing can be done about it. What a shame. For a little while there I was thinking "Oh man, it would be great to be married right now!" NO. Then I moved to, "Oh, maybe I want to be engaged right now?" DEFINITELY NOT. Heck, at this rate, I should just stay away from relationships entirely until after grad school. My functionality and productivity granted do decrease in times of twitterpation, but I at least still make time for my friends and activities that don't involve them!! Geez, come on people. Especially if you're married, or about to get married, you have the rest of your lives to socialize exclusively with yourselves, and exclude others from your personal lives. And to "only" hang out with other marrieds/couples.
Plus, I encourage my friends to tell me when I need to snap out of it and call them. But guess what? In the same way my outgoing call frequency ratio decreases, so does my incoming call frequency!! It's like everyone figures I am too busy with (insert guy here) to hang out, and that's usually not the case at all. This past semester, it was homework, hang time with the boy, and a lot of sitting around. Nobody wants to make time for me because I'm a girlfriend!? It's CRAP!
So lately I've been trying to make an effort with some individuals, and am getting pushed away. It's not just their relationship doing this though, what is also to blame is the insertion of "stuff" to fill their schedule. How does a person not have one free half hour the entire week, you ask? I do not have an answer for that. Because I ALWAYS make time for my friends, no matter how busy I am. You ask anyone. And I know some of you will read this and try to rebuke me for making that statement, because "not everyone is as holy as you" with much undue sarcasm, but it's not about being holy. It's about knowing when the right time is to just do "Stuff" and when the right time is to put "stuff" aside, remap my priorities, and engage once again in what really matters. Without each other and God, we have nothing people. Nothing. So let's build each other up in community, let's fellowship, let's save time for each other and be genuinely interested in other people's lives. Not just in passing, not just the "How's it going" when you really don't care to deal with the response if it's anything other than "Good! You?" Because we automatically register a response for that; we know the question will always eventually get directed back at ourselves so we prepare for the spotlight yet again.
So when you ask me what's up, and I say I'm ok, then ask how you're doing... I'm probably not really ok. You should investigate. Because I will be honest if I am really doing great, and I will tell you why. But the question is... will you take the time to listen?
That's my rant for today, and you can tell how much this was pressing on my heart by the fact that I'm writing a blog during lunch hour at work haha. Go figure. Things are going great today, yesterday I had a great day hanging out/swimming/shopping with MoBre, and I even made a new friend after 3F on Saturday night! :)
Also, speaking of 3F, I have to say if it wasn't for Bre I probably wouldn't be coming back week after week. Just remember that maybe, just maybe, if you're reading this, you are unfortunately part of the reason I was hesitant to come back to that worship service. And why I still hold reservations about committing to it completely as my one major worship service. I still enjoy big church, and I'm not going anywhere, because I know Central is definitely where I Belong, but the niche I had carved out for myself in Third Format has been filled already, and I don't feel needed there in the same way I used to. But I did learn a lot about myself: that I don't always have to do what other figures in the church think I should do, that makes me look like "a stronger/dare I say "better" Christian." It's between me and the big G-O-D now, folks, I'm not allowing anyone to middleman anymore. It's a bogus way to live out your faith, to let church, or "the" church interfere with what plans God has for you. Why is it that the direction you feel God is leading you in is sometimes a contradiction with what others think is the direction you should be going? Well I don't care too much about that anymore. I appreciate your input, but realy, what God is moving me to do is between me and God, not me and you and God and our pastor, and the worship leader, and, and... (not any pastor or WL specifically obviously).
If you guys feel me, give me an amen. Sorry this was real long!
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4 comments:
Aimee,
I heart you! :)
I can probably give you about a 95% Amen to this, but I also assume that you aren't considering 27 to be "young." ;-)
Whew! That was a long post!
I don't understand why people get married at such a young age either. I've determined that I'm going to be one of those women who never got married and never had kids, I just served Jesus all my life. And there is nothing wrong with that, it's just not something I had planned for. I can better serve Jesus without a husband or child to focus on. I also hate when someone is in a relationship and can't act normal. It's annoying.
Despite my post and your post, which actually almost coincide with each other. I feel God pushing me towards you. It's very strange I tell ya!
To me, being gone and then coming back, it seems as though 3F has changed since we moved into the worship center, no? I did throughly enjoyed the worship this past weekend. I even busted out singing in Spanish on a few songs. *Grin*
Maybe God is calling you to another ministry, Children's perhaps? :) I am always trying to recruit people.
Have a great day!
Hey! I came across your blog on Ashley Apple's blog.
Found you on maybe the wrong post... since I have been engaged for 4 months and am getting married in December.
Without sounding hypocritical, I agree with you. I thought the same thing for years. I even told my fiance(when he was first dating me), that he was not allowed to fall in love with me because I was finishing school and didn't have time for a serious relationship.
But things changed as you can see, and I know with every fiber of my being that it is the right decision for me.
But I really liked your post.
Hope you are doing well!!! And keep being who you are. You are a powerful girl and such a great example to so many people including me.
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