Is this itttt.... Is this ittt? Is. this.. it.

So luckily things worked out in my favor, praise 'Em for that!

I have a million things to say. I can't focus on this reading homework because I have so many thoughts racing through my head. I just have to step up to the plate and stop worrying so much. God is in control, things will happen the way they happen, in His favor, for the better of me, whether I like that or not.

I struggle so much with not being in control. I have to keep reminding myself that although I have free will, I really have to let God control my life and not try to always do everything alone. Like trying to figure out the next year of my life. I want to stay a CA, but I want more responsibility. I want to be an ACD but I don't think I want THAT MUCH responsibility. I don't think I have enough experience to deal with what Victor has the strength to deal with every day of his life (or at least 5 days a week if it's not a holiday weekend lol :D ).

I am still here. Clearly God has my best interests in mind, and I am especially grateful that His wants for me are in line with what I want. That at least shows me I am pushing toward the right mindset.

Now.. I have this HUUUGE burden on my shoulders. Nothing is as touchy as my ever-changing malarkey with the male gender. Let's put it this way... there is a wonderful guy in my life who can basically never know how I feel about him (or how I felt? I don't know). How's that for drama?

My friends have helped so much with growing me as a person and as a coworker and as a woman. I am really grateful for the relationships I have built in and around my building. Nothing is as strong as the passion I have for this job and those relationships. I thrive in this... I live for this! It is definitely where I belong. As for next year, well... we will see.

For now... I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The Dean's List is in my grasp, I just have to get my priorities straightened out.


"I'll get mine... I'm gettin' mine!"

All I Want for Christmas

God, I am so scared. I have never wanted anything as badly as I want this. Please let it be in your plan.

I have an empty feeling. I miss You and I miss my staff.




pleaseletthisbefixable.

Is This Love That I'm Feeling?

I'm sitting at the computer listening to this Bob Marley song and it took me right back to summer 2005. I will never forget the empty feeling I had in my heart and in my head and in my stomach when I realized that I was only dating Nick because I missed Brandon. I curled up in my bed so many nights crying about it so hard that after a while it was just dry crying; I had cried every tear I had, and literally ran out. I will never forget that feeling. I will never forget. I hope I never ever have to feel that way again.

It's a Love Story; Baby, Just Say Yes

Why can't anything ever just work out!?!! WHY!!!


this is foolish.

This Old Guitar and a Brand New Set of Strings

So it's already November. My grad school application is due in January, I have to sign up for the GRE pretty much tomorrow (Even though I'm really not ready to take it)... I don't feel like I have a choice at this point. I did too much procrastinating, now I have to either sign up for a sooner date at a testing center that is farther away than the Coor building on campus OR I can sign up later and be 10 minutes from it. I'm going to go with my gut and say that farther away at an earlier date is better. I've been through almost all of my GRE study book, and not any of the seperate math book I bought for it, none of the vocab... I know the vocab is going to kill me anyway, but at least I have some roots for words in my head and I can give it my best shot. Vocab is everyone's weakness I think on the GRE but that's just what I've heard.

What else... Rocktober was pretty bomb. My birthday was SO much fun. Birthday weekend as usual, you know how we do, we keep it classy haha... lots of really nice things done for me and given to me that weekend, I am really grateful for all the people I got to share that time with.

I was sort of dating this awesome guy I started getting to know at our CA conference in Colorado last month (That I never wrote about!!? Bah), but that's over. Long story I guess... all I can say is, if he would just stop this foolishness things could be really good, I think. Like really good. That's it.

Basically I am strugglin' haha. Story of my life. Academics, social, work, ultimate fris, being a CA... my worlds are basically colliding. And the semester is almost over? How did that happen? And I sure do miss my best friends a whole lot. You know who you are...

I am really in love with Taylor Swift/Carrie Underwood's music right now. These ladies really know how to tell it.