A lot of relief coming from my end of things as the semester wrapped up entirely for winter break. I had the opportunity to tell someone something I had been waiting a very long time to say. I found out how much I mean to someone I don't think I'd know what to do without. I have some time to consider the fact that other people's futures coming to life are not what my future is supposed to be, a virtue of leading different lives. I am slowly learning that our successes should be shared but not necessarily the same. And I am discovering how valuable I am... as a friend, a daughter, a student, a mentor, a role-model, and a life-long learner.
The future is freaking me out and I am trying to get the next stage of my life figured out before I come to a dead end.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Things that REALLY Grind My Gears
I thought about it today and realized that there are a lot of things that bother me about the world. I figure it's better to jot them down in a journal or blog than let the things get to me, so here we go. A list of things that tick me off.
- People who act like they are too busy for life, and then want to be your friend when it's convenient for them rather than trying to make you a priority and make the time work (this is not directed at any specific person, rather it's just something that has happened a lot to me in my life).
- I hesitate to use the word "men" because real "men" probably have this figured out by now, but here we go anyway... Men who treat women like a. We owe them something, b. We should just forget about them when they are ready to move on from us in a dating relationship/friendship/etc., c. We should be kissing their feet simply because God created them first (I think that's really STUPID rationale when quite frankly without women, for a myriad of reasons, the world would literally stop turning)... mainly I'm just tired of "men" who WISH they were men rather than little boys, or those who can't grow up out of their immaturity (the college years DO end you know!). Furthermore...
- If you are 26 years old, you are a male, and you don't have your life figured out yet, now might be the time. It might be the time to STOP playing around with female hearts, GET a real job, SHOW the world that you have some direction... I understand extenuating circumstances, but there is no reason for a 26 year old man to be making out with girls and then disrespecting them in social situations (spoken from experience, it's true).
- The sound that drippy things make (like the shredded beef I took out of Amanda's crock pot tonight... yuck). This sound also goes with the noise coffee makes when being poured into a cup. It literally makes me cringe.
- Wind. I know it sounds weird, but... I get so annoyed when I am trying to do something, and either my hair is all a mess, or my belongings are blowin' everywhere... Just tonight for example, I was trying to change the windshield wipers on my truck and fill up my windshield wiper fluid. Then the F'ing wind comes up and I have to fasten down everything that would fly away (the packaging for the new wiper blades etc). DUMB. Wind is pointless, and it is rarely welcomed. Especially when it's hot air or that really foolish 40 mph wind that usually indicates the monsoon is about to make its unwelcomed appearance.
- People who come into where I serve food and tell me "I know... I serve(d) food, too. I know what it's like." No, you really don't know what it's like! Yes you have probably dealt with foolish people in the past, people who don't know how to tip or treat other human beings in general, but working at Oregano's is not like working at random Jo Schmo restaurant down the street. It is nothing like Applebee's or any place like that, and I can ASSURE you that it is absolutely nothing like Black Angus. Everything is different, from the emphasis we place on the guest, to how much heart we put into our pizza. So please, do your servers a favor and don't tell them you know how hard they've got it. That is, unless you plan on leaving like a 25% tip.
- I could go on all day about the things that bother me in food service, but my love for it outweighs the nit-picky things I hate about it. I will say one more thing though: people who come in, tell you what a great server you are, what amazing service they were given, how tasty the food was and how at home they feel, then barely tip 15%. If we wowed you, tip us 20 or 30! I appreciate all the tips I get because I Know times are tough. The very fact that people are coming out to eat and dine with me at all is a miracle itself. But along with verbal praise, the way I can be shown gratiTUDE is through gratUITY. That's how I make my money, that is what pays for my college expenses, and that is what I want. I can't pay bills with how much you loved the pizza. And again, I am appreciative of all the money I do make, but this is just me being nitpicky.
- Girls who KNOW their advantages in life and make other people feel worthless because they are not under the same advantage. In my case, it is girls/women/females who have "generous proportions" as I'll politely put it... for those of you who are a little slower I'll spell it out for you... there are too many women these days who use their breasts and "assets" to get what they want. Whether it's in the work place or at the bars. Unfortunately in a lot of scenarios that is all the person cares about who is honoring this ubiquitous use of blessings, so it works out for both of these parties. But really, in 10 years, your boobs will be saggy anyway, and I'll still make great conversation and have intellect and/or experiences worth sharing with others. You will have a few one night stands, liver cancer, and possibly herpes. For the men reading this who are offended: you know you do this, and FYI boobs and ass do not talk back. They cannot cook your dinner. They will not raise your children. They will not care about you when the world is making you feel small. Most importantly, they will not love you. So... think about it.
- Friends who are not friends. Friends who used to be friends. In hindsight I realize it's a lot like losing touch with the people we went to elementary school/junior high and high school together... maybe you shared a few valuable experiences but in reality those people are not your lifetime friends. It is unfortunate that I have just recently learned this at 22 years old, when a lot of the people who I thought were true friends were actually just pieces of my present becoming my past. This, I realized, doesn't mean I shouldn't put value and effort into their friendships. However, it does mean that the recognition of these relationships early will often prevent you from disappointment by their actions later.
- People who take on leadership positions purely for the perks. They are not benefiting the team, they are being selfish. They were hired because they can hit an interview out of the park, if we are speaking in baseball terms. They feigned enthusiasm and attitude and heart and desire to get what ultimately would only benefit them and hurt others. Being a CA has really opened up my eyes to what potential there lies in the business world for people getting jobs who have no business having them, or just having the job for the wrong reasons. After the little I have read in the last week or so about leaders... I mean we really need to start hiring people who are GREAT. Not people who are okay, or who will foot the bill, fill the "pozish." People who have PASSION and ZEAL and who really want to make things better for other people. People who care about others. That's what I want to see.
- If I hear one more person tell me what a poor choice of career move I made in my decision to become an elementary school teacher, I am going to scream. After what I Just said about leadership and taking the position for the betterment of society... if I wanted to make 6 figs I would have majored in business. But I didn't. I majored in liberal arts, because I wanted to diversify my field of knowledge and have more of the tools at hand I would need to single handedly attempt making the world a better place. CEOs and fat cats on Wallstreet are not our heroes: teachers, firefighters, police officers, army men and women, librarians, professors... these are our heroes. Serving the greater good, furthering the knowledge and safety of our country. We are not a dumb nation, but we will become one if we keep placing emphasis on areas it doesn't belong (hello AZ budget cuts on education MAYYYBEEEE?).
That's all I've got for now. Working a double in the morning.
- People who act like they are too busy for life, and then want to be your friend when it's convenient for them rather than trying to make you a priority and make the time work (this is not directed at any specific person, rather it's just something that has happened a lot to me in my life).
- I hesitate to use the word "men" because real "men" probably have this figured out by now, but here we go anyway... Men who treat women like a. We owe them something, b. We should just forget about them when they are ready to move on from us in a dating relationship/friendship/etc., c. We should be kissing their feet simply because God created them first (I think that's really STUPID rationale when quite frankly without women, for a myriad of reasons, the world would literally stop turning)... mainly I'm just tired of "men" who WISH they were men rather than little boys, or those who can't grow up out of their immaturity (the college years DO end you know!). Furthermore...
- If you are 26 years old, you are a male, and you don't have your life figured out yet, now might be the time. It might be the time to STOP playing around with female hearts, GET a real job, SHOW the world that you have some direction... I understand extenuating circumstances, but there is no reason for a 26 year old man to be making out with girls and then disrespecting them in social situations (spoken from experience, it's true).
- The sound that drippy things make (like the shredded beef I took out of Amanda's crock pot tonight... yuck). This sound also goes with the noise coffee makes when being poured into a cup. It literally makes me cringe.
- Wind. I know it sounds weird, but... I get so annoyed when I am trying to do something, and either my hair is all a mess, or my belongings are blowin' everywhere... Just tonight for example, I was trying to change the windshield wipers on my truck and fill up my windshield wiper fluid. Then the F'ing wind comes up and I have to fasten down everything that would fly away (the packaging for the new wiper blades etc). DUMB. Wind is pointless, and it is rarely welcomed. Especially when it's hot air or that really foolish 40 mph wind that usually indicates the monsoon is about to make its unwelcomed appearance.
- People who come into where I serve food and tell me "I know... I serve(d) food, too. I know what it's like." No, you really don't know what it's like! Yes you have probably dealt with foolish people in the past, people who don't know how to tip or treat other human beings in general, but working at Oregano's is not like working at random Jo Schmo restaurant down the street. It is nothing like Applebee's or any place like that, and I can ASSURE you that it is absolutely nothing like Black Angus. Everything is different, from the emphasis we place on the guest, to how much heart we put into our pizza. So please, do your servers a favor and don't tell them you know how hard they've got it. That is, unless you plan on leaving like a 25% tip.
- I could go on all day about the things that bother me in food service, but my love for it outweighs the nit-picky things I hate about it. I will say one more thing though: people who come in, tell you what a great server you are, what amazing service they were given, how tasty the food was and how at home they feel, then barely tip 15%. If we wowed you, tip us 20 or 30! I appreciate all the tips I get because I Know times are tough. The very fact that people are coming out to eat and dine with me at all is a miracle itself. But along with verbal praise, the way I can be shown gratiTUDE is through gratUITY. That's how I make my money, that is what pays for my college expenses, and that is what I want. I can't pay bills with how much you loved the pizza. And again, I am appreciative of all the money I do make, but this is just me being nitpicky.
- Girls who KNOW their advantages in life and make other people feel worthless because they are not under the same advantage. In my case, it is girls/women/females who have "generous proportions" as I'll politely put it... for those of you who are a little slower I'll spell it out for you... there are too many women these days who use their breasts and "assets" to get what they want. Whether it's in the work place or at the bars. Unfortunately in a lot of scenarios that is all the person cares about who is honoring this ubiquitous use of blessings, so it works out for both of these parties. But really, in 10 years, your boobs will be saggy anyway, and I'll still make great conversation and have intellect and/or experiences worth sharing with others. You will have a few one night stands, liver cancer, and possibly herpes. For the men reading this who are offended: you know you do this, and FYI boobs and ass do not talk back. They cannot cook your dinner. They will not raise your children. They will not care about you when the world is making you feel small. Most importantly, they will not love you. So... think about it.
- Friends who are not friends. Friends who used to be friends. In hindsight I realize it's a lot like losing touch with the people we went to elementary school/junior high and high school together... maybe you shared a few valuable experiences but in reality those people are not your lifetime friends. It is unfortunate that I have just recently learned this at 22 years old, when a lot of the people who I thought were true friends were actually just pieces of my present becoming my past. This, I realized, doesn't mean I shouldn't put value and effort into their friendships. However, it does mean that the recognition of these relationships early will often prevent you from disappointment by their actions later.
- People who take on leadership positions purely for the perks. They are not benefiting the team, they are being selfish. They were hired because they can hit an interview out of the park, if we are speaking in baseball terms. They feigned enthusiasm and attitude and heart and desire to get what ultimately would only benefit them and hurt others. Being a CA has really opened up my eyes to what potential there lies in the business world for people getting jobs who have no business having them, or just having the job for the wrong reasons. After the little I have read in the last week or so about leaders... I mean we really need to start hiring people who are GREAT. Not people who are okay, or who will foot the bill, fill the "pozish." People who have PASSION and ZEAL and who really want to make things better for other people. People who care about others. That's what I want to see.
- If I hear one more person tell me what a poor choice of career move I made in my decision to become an elementary school teacher, I am going to scream. After what I Just said about leadership and taking the position for the betterment of society... if I wanted to make 6 figs I would have majored in business. But I didn't. I majored in liberal arts, because I wanted to diversify my field of knowledge and have more of the tools at hand I would need to single handedly attempt making the world a better place. CEOs and fat cats on Wallstreet are not our heroes: teachers, firefighters, police officers, army men and women, librarians, professors... these are our heroes. Serving the greater good, furthering the knowledge and safety of our country. We are not a dumb nation, but we will become one if we keep placing emphasis on areas it doesn't belong (hello AZ budget cuts on education MAYYYBEEEE?).
That's all I've got for now. Working a double in the morning.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Future at Large
Well, as usual, it's been a while. Since last time, I've graduated from ASU, lost my job at Black Angus to the recession and gained a job at Oregano's to my betterment. I've never felt like such a great food server as I do there. The standards are much higher, the guests are a lot more fun, and the money is GREAT. Don't get me wrong, I miss my BA, but home girl got bills to pay.
Ah yes, bills. The tell-tale sign that you are growing up is when you owe your hard earned cash to "the man." If I could do it again, I would definitely refrain from getting more than one credit card, but credit has definitely saved my butt when it comes to school. I've had to put almost all my books on credit cards for the last three years of my undergrad. That's easily $1000 right there. Then there's all the work I've had done on my truck, and probably some unnecessary purchases peppered throughout, but let's face it: if it wasn't for credit, I'd be a completely different person going to community college and still not sure what I want to do with my life.
I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life. With any luck, me and Lauren will be moving to California next summer. In fall 2010 I'll begin my certification to become a teacher at CSU San Marcos. With absolutely every fiber of my being, I am determined to end up in California. The sheer fact that Lauren casually mentioned in conversation whether I would need a roommate makes me certain this is supposed to happen. It wasn't a reality until last weekend. And I just don't think it's a coincidence that at the same time our friendship is strengthening, she reveals to me that she too would like to be in California as well. It's a dream that's coming true, and I could not possibly be more stoked.
The thing of it is, had I been smart my senior year of high school, I would have made my way out of Arizona then for my 4 years of undergrad because I get grants for school anyway. But... I wouldn't have made the friends I have or accomplished the feats I have accomplished, necessarily, if I hadn't stayed here.
The main reason I started this blog though was to express my anger over the fact that my dad is already giving me the whole "Teachers don't make any money" lecture, telling me I need to get out of education and "go for my PhD." He doesn't respect my choice of profession. That's a given. My feelings are that it is a selfish notion on his part because he thinks that his last hope for living large is for me to get into a high paying profession, then with MY earnings, house, clothe and feed him... because he's my dad, and apparently that's MY job, because he hasn't been able to successfully and persistently do this on his own his entire life. I am fully supportive of taking care of our parents as they age, but not because they simply don't want to take care of themselves anymore. I don't forsee this being a problem with my mom, but I'm almost certain my dad's mindset is looking at me seeing dollar signs. Unfortunate, but true.
I don't know. Maybe he's right. But if I was really going to spend my life worrying about how big of a house I'll end up living in... I'd have become a doctor or a lawyer or a buisness person. My intention has always been that whatever profession I pursue, it will be one to help the people, benefit the public. I mean, my degree is in liberal arts after all. But I am super pissed that my dad thinks he can dictate what I do with my future when he has contributed little to nothing to my education thus far. Help me figure that one out.
Ah yes, bills. The tell-tale sign that you are growing up is when you owe your hard earned cash to "the man." If I could do it again, I would definitely refrain from getting more than one credit card, but credit has definitely saved my butt when it comes to school. I've had to put almost all my books on credit cards for the last three years of my undergrad. That's easily $1000 right there. Then there's all the work I've had done on my truck, and probably some unnecessary purchases peppered throughout, but let's face it: if it wasn't for credit, I'd be a completely different person going to community college and still not sure what I want to do with my life.
I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life. With any luck, me and Lauren will be moving to California next summer. In fall 2010 I'll begin my certification to become a teacher at CSU San Marcos. With absolutely every fiber of my being, I am determined to end up in California. The sheer fact that Lauren casually mentioned in conversation whether I would need a roommate makes me certain this is supposed to happen. It wasn't a reality until last weekend. And I just don't think it's a coincidence that at the same time our friendship is strengthening, she reveals to me that she too would like to be in California as well. It's a dream that's coming true, and I could not possibly be more stoked.
The thing of it is, had I been smart my senior year of high school, I would have made my way out of Arizona then for my 4 years of undergrad because I get grants for school anyway. But... I wouldn't have made the friends I have or accomplished the feats I have accomplished, necessarily, if I hadn't stayed here.
The main reason I started this blog though was to express my anger over the fact that my dad is already giving me the whole "Teachers don't make any money" lecture, telling me I need to get out of education and "go for my PhD." He doesn't respect my choice of profession. That's a given. My feelings are that it is a selfish notion on his part because he thinks that his last hope for living large is for me to get into a high paying profession, then with MY earnings, house, clothe and feed him... because he's my dad, and apparently that's MY job, because he hasn't been able to successfully and persistently do this on his own his entire life. I am fully supportive of taking care of our parents as they age, but not because they simply don't want to take care of themselves anymore. I don't forsee this being a problem with my mom, but I'm almost certain my dad's mindset is looking at me seeing dollar signs. Unfortunate, but true.
I don't know. Maybe he's right. But if I was really going to spend my life worrying about how big of a house I'll end up living in... I'd have become a doctor or a lawyer or a buisness person. My intention has always been that whatever profession I pursue, it will be one to help the people, benefit the public. I mean, my degree is in liberal arts after all. But I am super pissed that my dad thinks he can dictate what I do with my future when he has contributed little to nothing to my education thus far. Help me figure that one out.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
In my head there's a Greyhound Station where I send my thoughts to far off Destinations
Let's just be honest. If the answer was different, I would be stoked.
Oh college. How I love you. How I love your twists and turns, your giving of high hopes and your taking away of the same. Your inevitables and your avoidances. The entering and exiting you assist with of people in my life, and the keepings out and the keepings in of them. Your success givings and your failure provokings. Your blessings and your curses. Your loves lost or never explored. I love college.
Well, it's March. That means a new month in which another complete emotional breakdown should make its regularly scheduled appearance at some point. Yikes. Not looking forward to that. Just a little over two months till graduation. Cannot believe it's already that close. I haven't done anything to prepare for it except the obvious registrar's paperwork... I still need cap and gown, invitations which I am now making since neither my mom or myself can afford to buy them. Lame. Was hoping for a class ring but I probably don't need that either.
Since being in a bad situation with my credit card, I am having to take another look at my spending habits and stop being so foolish with money :\
BTW, what is UP with men? Someone please explain to me why they are making my life so difficult right now!!! Guys, I love ya, but let's figure it out hm?
Oh college. How I love you. How I love your twists and turns, your giving of high hopes and your taking away of the same. Your inevitables and your avoidances. The entering and exiting you assist with of people in my life, and the keepings out and the keepings in of them. Your success givings and your failure provokings. Your blessings and your curses. Your loves lost or never explored. I love college.
Well, it's March. That means a new month in which another complete emotional breakdown should make its regularly scheduled appearance at some point. Yikes. Not looking forward to that. Just a little over two months till graduation. Cannot believe it's already that close. I haven't done anything to prepare for it except the obvious registrar's paperwork... I still need cap and gown, invitations which I am now making since neither my mom or myself can afford to buy them. Lame. Was hoping for a class ring but I probably don't need that either.
Since being in a bad situation with my credit card, I am having to take another look at my spending habits and stop being so foolish with money :\
BTW, what is UP with men? Someone please explain to me why they are making my life so difficult right now!!! Guys, I love ya, but let's figure it out hm?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Is this itttt.... Is this ittt? Is. this.. it.
So luckily things worked out in my favor, praise 'Em for that!
I have a million things to say. I can't focus on this reading homework because I have so many thoughts racing through my head. I just have to step up to the plate and stop worrying so much. God is in control, things will happen the way they happen, in His favor, for the better of me, whether I like that or not.
I struggle so much with not being in control. I have to keep reminding myself that although I have free will, I really have to let God control my life and not try to always do everything alone. Like trying to figure out the next year of my life. I want to stay a CA, but I want more responsibility. I want to be an ACD but I don't think I want THAT MUCH responsibility. I don't think I have enough experience to deal with what Victor has the strength to deal with every day of his life (or at least 5 days a week if it's not a holiday weekend lol :D ).
I am still here. Clearly God has my best interests in mind, and I am especially grateful that His wants for me are in line with what I want. That at least shows me I am pushing toward the right mindset.
Now.. I have this HUUUGE burden on my shoulders. Nothing is as touchy as my ever-changing malarkey with the male gender. Let's put it this way... there is a wonderful guy in my life who can basically never know how I feel about him (or how I felt? I don't know). How's that for drama?
My friends have helped so much with growing me as a person and as a coworker and as a woman. I am really grateful for the relationships I have built in and around my building. Nothing is as strong as the passion I have for this job and those relationships. I thrive in this... I live for this! It is definitely where I belong. As for next year, well... we will see.
For now... I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The Dean's List is in my grasp, I just have to get my priorities straightened out.
"I'll get mine... I'm gettin' mine!"
I have a million things to say. I can't focus on this reading homework because I have so many thoughts racing through my head. I just have to step up to the plate and stop worrying so much. God is in control, things will happen the way they happen, in His favor, for the better of me, whether I like that or not.
I struggle so much with not being in control. I have to keep reminding myself that although I have free will, I really have to let God control my life and not try to always do everything alone. Like trying to figure out the next year of my life. I want to stay a CA, but I want more responsibility. I want to be an ACD but I don't think I want THAT MUCH responsibility. I don't think I have enough experience to deal with what Victor has the strength to deal with every day of his life (or at least 5 days a week if it's not a holiday weekend lol :D ).
I am still here. Clearly God has my best interests in mind, and I am especially grateful that His wants for me are in line with what I want. That at least shows me I am pushing toward the right mindset.
Now.. I have this HUUUGE burden on my shoulders. Nothing is as touchy as my ever-changing malarkey with the male gender. Let's put it this way... there is a wonderful guy in my life who can basically never know how I feel about him (or how I felt? I don't know). How's that for drama?
My friends have helped so much with growing me as a person and as a coworker and as a woman. I am really grateful for the relationships I have built in and around my building. Nothing is as strong as the passion I have for this job and those relationships. I thrive in this... I live for this! It is definitely where I belong. As for next year, well... we will see.
For now... I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The Dean's List is in my grasp, I just have to get my priorities straightened out.
"I'll get mine... I'm gettin' mine!"
Saturday, December 20, 2008
All I Want for Christmas
God, I am so scared. I have never wanted anything as badly as I want this. Please let it be in your plan.
I have an empty feeling. I miss You and I miss my staff.
pleaseletthisbefixable.
I have an empty feeling. I miss You and I miss my staff.
pleaseletthisbefixable.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Is This Love That I'm Feeling?
I'm sitting at the computer listening to this Bob Marley song and it took me right back to summer 2005. I will never forget the empty feeling I had in my heart and in my head and in my stomach when I realized that I was only dating Nick because I missed Brandon. I curled up in my bed so many nights crying about it so hard that after a while it was just dry crying; I had cried every tear I had, and literally ran out. I will never forget that feeling. I will never forget. I hope I never ever have to feel that way again.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It's a Love Story; Baby, Just Say Yes
Why can't anything ever just work out!?!! WHY!!!
this is foolish.
this is foolish.
Monday, November 10, 2008
This Old Guitar and a Brand New Set of Strings
So it's already November. My grad school application is due in January, I have to sign up for the GRE pretty much tomorrow (Even though I'm really not ready to take it)... I don't feel like I have a choice at this point. I did too much procrastinating, now I have to either sign up for a sooner date at a testing center that is farther away than the Coor building on campus OR I can sign up later and be 10 minutes from it. I'm going to go with my gut and say that farther away at an earlier date is better. I've been through almost all of my GRE study book, and not any of the seperate math book I bought for it, none of the vocab... I know the vocab is going to kill me anyway, but at least I have some roots for words in my head and I can give it my best shot. Vocab is everyone's weakness I think on the GRE but that's just what I've heard.
What else... Rocktober was pretty bomb. My birthday was SO much fun. Birthday weekend as usual, you know how we do, we keep it classy haha... lots of really nice things done for me and given to me that weekend, I am really grateful for all the people I got to share that time with.
I was sort of dating this awesome guy I started getting to know at our CA conference in Colorado last month (That I never wrote about!!? Bah), but that's over. Long story I guess... all I can say is, if he would just stop this foolishness things could be really good, I think. Like really good. That's it.
Basically I am strugglin' haha. Story of my life. Academics, social, work, ultimate fris, being a CA... my worlds are basically colliding. And the semester is almost over? How did that happen? And I sure do miss my best friends a whole lot. You know who you are...
I am really in love with Taylor Swift/Carrie Underwood's music right now. These ladies really know how to tell it.
What else... Rocktober was pretty bomb. My birthday was SO much fun. Birthday weekend as usual, you know how we do, we keep it classy haha... lots of really nice things done for me and given to me that weekend, I am really grateful for all the people I got to share that time with.
I was sort of dating this awesome guy I started getting to know at our CA conference in Colorado last month (That I never wrote about!!? Bah), but that's over. Long story I guess... all I can say is, if he would just stop this foolishness things could be really good, I think. Like really good. That's it.
Basically I am strugglin' haha. Story of my life. Academics, social, work, ultimate fris, being a CA... my worlds are basically colliding. And the semester is almost over? How did that happen? And I sure do miss my best friends a whole lot. You know who you are...
I am really in love with Taylor Swift/Carrie Underwood's music right now. These ladies really know how to tell it.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Suffice to Say
Suck-tember is almost over.
Bring on Rock-tober? The following things are awesome:
- Me, Lauren and Courtney's birthdays
- Saw 5 comes out (on my birthday, best b-day ever?)
- TRIP TO COLORADO for the RAppin' Conference (free vacation)
- State Fair begins again (yay)
- Cooler weather (bring it)
- Dodgeball tournament
- Halloween program put on by the community development committee (involving free food of some sort I'm sure)
Probably other stuff but whatever. I'm in such a bad mood, and I'm so sad :(
I keep trying to lean on God through these messes but every mess hits harder and stronger. I am trying to look at the positive and know that these trial times won't last forever.. and that when it's good, it's really good. I just have to keep being sure of that. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle... and actually typing that made me feel better because it's really hard to believe sometimes. But He doesn't do this just to get us down or see how hard we fall everytime we do fall. It's to see if we pick ourselves back up, and to test us. We always come out on top, and we come out stronger. I don't know what I'm worried about. It just feels like a long way to the top at this point. I feel like when it's really bad... I still keep trying to find the good in it. My mom has a hard time doing that, and I feel like I am the negative nelly. But I guess I just have to holdfast to hope. We're going to get right. I know we are.
Bring on Rock-tober? The following things are awesome:
- Me, Lauren and Courtney's birthdays
- Saw 5 comes out (on my birthday, best b-day ever?)
- TRIP TO COLORADO for the RAppin' Conference (free vacation)
- State Fair begins again (yay)
- Cooler weather (bring it)
- Dodgeball tournament
- Halloween program put on by the community development committee (involving free food of some sort I'm sure)
Probably other stuff but whatever. I'm in such a bad mood, and I'm so sad :(
I keep trying to lean on God through these messes but every mess hits harder and stronger. I am trying to look at the positive and know that these trial times won't last forever.. and that when it's good, it's really good. I just have to keep being sure of that. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle... and actually typing that made me feel better because it's really hard to believe sometimes. But He doesn't do this just to get us down or see how hard we fall everytime we do fall. It's to see if we pick ourselves back up, and to test us. We always come out on top, and we come out stronger. I don't know what I'm worried about. It just feels like a long way to the top at this point. I feel like when it's really bad... I still keep trying to find the good in it. My mom has a hard time doing that, and I feel like I am the negative nelly. But I guess I just have to holdfast to hope. We're going to get right. I know we are.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Take Heart, cause You Know that You Have Mine
Well. I'm sitting here in the ASU Student Health Center, wasting my life away. I am starving. I am waiting for them to look at my knee and see if it's got problems. I am hoping nothing serious is wrong with it, and I hate coming in for something that ONLY hurts when I exercise, but the solution is NOT quitting ultimate or ending my bi-weekly treadmill runs. Not going to happen. But can someone please explain to me why it is that as soon as I am finally enjoying an active lifestyle, my health starts giving me issues? I guess this is what I get for living on campus. Living where I learn and work has come to be a blessing and a curse. But I love every minute of it.
On that note, let's talk about how much I love my job as a CA. My residents, although some of them know just the way to get on my last nerve, are for the most part really good, fun kids. Part of what makes this job so rewarding is knowing that we are their advantage: I'm a senior. I've been around ASU's block a number of times, I've been swept under the rug by financial aid, campus health and cashiering services more times than I can count, and I have felt the disappointment that goes with failing a test I was so confident that I passed more times than I care to remember. I've been sick, I've been in love, I've been lonely, I've been stressed and worried and angry and hungry and satiated. It's been a good mix of emotion, a long road and winding road, but the journey is almost over.
Can you believe it? This time in May I'll be a graduate of Arizona State University. With my bachelor's in psychology and a minor in religious studies. What will I be able to take with me? And who? What memories will I keep and which ones will I push out and try to forget? I'm counting on this to be a year seasoned with cherishable memories, much like spring semester. I'm looking forward to finally getting into a routine and establishing a study pattern that i can count to pull me through another grade report. I'm considering daily all the work I have left to do for me to apply to grad school. This isn't looking promising, all of this grad school business. But I'm doing my best at what I love to do and what I've been promising myself I would do since I was in elementary school. It's my dream, it is my parents' aspiration for me, it is the place in which God wants me to be so I can prepare myself to help others in the capacity he designed for me to do so, and I am excited.
I'm about to step into the real world, whatever that means. Adults have been telling us this since we were in junior high, that one day the real world is going to blindside us, and our weekends aren't always going to be free for partying, going out shopping, to dinner and movies with our friends. We are going to have "big people" jobs, we will eventually get married, settle down, have a family, take care of children, own a home, pay "real" bills (not like giving our parents money for our car insurance). It's all a little scary and surreal, but it's happening, it's coming, and there's nothing we can do about it but prepare and hope for the best.
On another note, I asked my friend a question tonight. It's a God question that I will leave you all with to ponder. Jesus calls us to be generous with everything he has blessed us with; our time, our finances, our gifts, our luxuries... so where are we allowed to draw the line? Must we always be at service to everyone? A large part of this is knowing when to say when, i.e. when to say no which I've found easy to do. Especially when it comes to those who have brought some kind of pain to our lives, whether it is unintentional or in ignorance. What do we do with that?
On that note, let's talk about how much I love my job as a CA. My residents, although some of them know just the way to get on my last nerve, are for the most part really good, fun kids. Part of what makes this job so rewarding is knowing that we are their advantage: I'm a senior. I've been around ASU's block a number of times, I've been swept under the rug by financial aid, campus health and cashiering services more times than I can count, and I have felt the disappointment that goes with failing a test I was so confident that I passed more times than I care to remember. I've been sick, I've been in love, I've been lonely, I've been stressed and worried and angry and hungry and satiated. It's been a good mix of emotion, a long road and winding road, but the journey is almost over.
Can you believe it? This time in May I'll be a graduate of Arizona State University. With my bachelor's in psychology and a minor in religious studies. What will I be able to take with me? And who? What memories will I keep and which ones will I push out and try to forget? I'm counting on this to be a year seasoned with cherishable memories, much like spring semester. I'm looking forward to finally getting into a routine and establishing a study pattern that i can count to pull me through another grade report. I'm considering daily all the work I have left to do for me to apply to grad school. This isn't looking promising, all of this grad school business. But I'm doing my best at what I love to do and what I've been promising myself I would do since I was in elementary school. It's my dream, it is my parents' aspiration for me, it is the place in which God wants me to be so I can prepare myself to help others in the capacity he designed for me to do so, and I am excited.
I'm about to step into the real world, whatever that means. Adults have been telling us this since we were in junior high, that one day the real world is going to blindside us, and our weekends aren't always going to be free for partying, going out shopping, to dinner and movies with our friends. We are going to have "big people" jobs, we will eventually get married, settle down, have a family, take care of children, own a home, pay "real" bills (not like giving our parents money for our car insurance). It's all a little scary and surreal, but it's happening, it's coming, and there's nothing we can do about it but prepare and hope for the best.
On another note, I asked my friend a question tonight. It's a God question that I will leave you all with to ponder. Jesus calls us to be generous with everything he has blessed us with; our time, our finances, our gifts, our luxuries... so where are we allowed to draw the line? Must we always be at service to everyone? A large part of this is knowing when to say when, i.e. when to say no which I've found easy to do. Especially when it comes to those who have brought some kind of pain to our lives, whether it is unintentional or in ignorance. What do we do with that?
Monday, August 11, 2008
Our Song is a Slammin' Screen Door...
Wow... I haven't even updated at all since I Moved in. This past week has been psychotic. Really. Training has kept me so busy!! You know training for my CA (RA/Resident Assistant) position, second and third semesters of that here at ASU coming up. I became really overwhelmed tonight, like everything kind of all hit me at once at some point so if I seem like I'm in a bad mood tomorrow, that is definitely why.
Just some things that have been on my mind that I need to say somewhere before I explode:
Almost time for bed. We have an early/long day tomorrow. Yikes...
Just some things that have been on my mind that I need to say somewhere before I explode:
- Someone I know said to one of my other friends the other day that I am "obsessed with Facebook" in a really derogatory way, like my life is owned by it, and it really, really hurt my feelings. Like it was so awkward, and she made it sound like her life was too important for her to even be on Facebook. I didn't really know what to say so I kind of ignored it, but as I am letting it stew it is making me sadder and sadder. So I apologize if lately I make it seem like Facebook is all I care about, it's not that. It's what Facebook represents: NETWORKING. And I am all about that. Facebook makes it increasingly easy to do it. So when I immediately tag all of you in pictures I've taken over the course of training, it's because I want to remember these times since they have been some of the funnest and most memorable of my college experience. I apologize if you feel like you are "above" Facebook and what it stands for. A lot of people appreciate what I do on FB and if you do not, then keep it to yourself I guess?
- I am listening to a couple songs tonight that are making me think about that boy again, which is too bad because I looked at his Facebook and he is talking to another girl. Gah I hate that. I'm sure it's nothing but it's just the idea.
- Speaking of boys, the care package I'm putting together is almost finished!!! I can't wait to send it :)
- I like to be energetic and get everyone stoked about activities we do, but there is a point where I cap off and just can't keep up with people who act like they are competing to be more stoked than me. I can't handle that. There are a couple people I've been getting to know who are very much like this. They are amazing individuals, incredible leaders, but way over the top sometimes. I wouldn't say our personalities clash, but I will definitely say that there is a slight decrease in my energy when I feel like I have to down play because there is already too much over zealousness. Did that last sentence even make any sense haha...
- I kind of have a crush on this boy but in a nutshell, he is non-responsive :( I got some stellar advice from Tim last night, I have been pondering on it, and have found that if I would just listen to people who I know are wiser than myself and are correct about the words they say, I would be worlds better off. So thanks to Tim for that.
- I am so tired, and I feel like I have no time to do extra things... like go to the store for tampons because apparently I'm out? Or mail packages, or paint signs as good as I want to... I bought some books online last night but I still have two more to buy at the actual bookstore. And I am freaking tired right now, if I didn't already say that hah...
Almost time for bed. We have an early/long day tomorrow. Yikes...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The Game is Over
I have been thinking about 'NSYNC lyrics all day haha so I thought I would start this blog by titling it one of my favorite songs from their No Strings Attached CD. Good times!
While I perused Lauren's Australia blog, I realized a few things:
T0 rectify the situation, I will start tonight by a summary of the last couple of days, and then really wow you with a narrative about mine and Mike's experience at Idol auditions on Friday.
So... tonight. Thoroughly enjoyable day over all. Possibly one of the best day/night combinations in quite a while. I'll start with today. For the first time in like a week I was able to catch up on some much needed sleep. I slept a couple hours Friday night after all the Idol craziness was over, then went to bed earlier than normal, got up around 12 today (Saturday) and got ready to go shopping with my mom. What you need to understand is that I never and I stress never shop with her. A few different reasons... she complains the whole time, doesn't like to linger in stores too long, constantly taking bathroom breaks even if it means re-walking the entirety of whatever marketplace we happen to be occupying... anyway I had my eye on some jeans at the Eagle on Thursday and the girl was nice enough to hold them for me until today so we went to TMP and I bought those... some pedal pushers, and some sweet polka dot pj's (which I didn't try on and, surprise surpise, did not fit! Since when is a small too big btw?). Then we went to the bathroom, then Tilly's where I bought an amazingly cute black purse for about $20 (definitely have never had a solid black purse). Then we went to Victoria's Secret!!! Yay...
I found some undies, and almost bought that amazing Biofit bra (which, to date, is probably the most comfortable bra I have ever put on) but it is $42 or something outrageous and I just didn't see myself putting it on my credit card. I don't necessarily need it (although I am obsessed with it at this point) and it will always be there. Maybe another time I can get it on sale. Anyway, I ended up getting another free PINK bag, which you get with ANY PINK purchase (even like the $2 undies I bought lol). I plan on using it tomorrow for whatever oddities I find at IKEA tomorrow with Bre.
After shopping my mom and I went to Lucille's for dinner. Amazing as usual. Beautiful men working there per the usual. Unfortunately the object of my affection was too far away for me to read his name tag but I assure you whole-heartedly of his attractiveness lol... you would be in love too. I got a phone call from Bre and she said that someone in Europe used her card somehow to buy gas fraudulently! WTF! You can't trust anybody! Well luckily the bank knew that she was out of town then so they caught it before anything bad happened to her credit, praise God for that! Money is such a tricky thing.
Around 6:15 Bre and I headed out for Third Format and had a great night there... Jeremy preached about homelessness and how we need to be a lot more willing to help God's unfortunate than we currently are. I was obviously made extremely uncomfortable by the message because of the stereotype I give homeless people, that most of them will not use the money they ask you for and sometimes receive, wisely. I would be far more likely to buy them a meal, and have had a consistent desire to do so, but am never in a situation where that is possible. It is always at the side of the freeway where I can't just ask them to jump into my truck. I wouldn't allow any stranger to do that, homeless or not. I prefer to live.
Afterwards, I was able to talk to the awesome intern boys of Camp Trek who I will thoroughly miss when they all go back to Indiana. Should have definitely gone with them to the movie tonight, it would have been nice to spend some extra time with them. But I had a great time with Bre; we stayed after 3F to watch The Princess Bride in the amphitheater, had some free pizza/chips/water (gotta love Nestle bottled water for sure). Not a bad movie if I do say so myself. The guy from Robin Hood: Men in Tights plays Wesley, and he is a funny actor, I like him. We sat in the grass for an hour and a half feeling like we were getting bitten and crawled all over by bugs, then we got up and headed back to my house. She left early to get a shower in before going to sleep, and we are going to IKEA like I said, tomorrow afternoon. I'm stoked; maybe I can find some sweet stuff for my room at PV East?
Well heck, I am really freaking tired, I have much more to say but I guess it will have to wait. I'll let you guys know if IKEA is doing anything great yet for the back-to-school season. They usually do it up so we'll see what happens. I want a laptop desk still! :)
Aim
While I perused Lauren's Australia blog, I realized a few things:
- My life's interest level pales in comparison to that of Lauren's and most other people's blogs lol
- I don't blog nearly as often as I should about details of my life that I may want to reflect on later, such as certain events taking place, or hanging out with certain people and what we were doing on that occasion.
- I thoroughly enjoy blogging!
T0 rectify the situation, I will start tonight by a summary of the last couple of days, and then really wow you with a narrative about mine and Mike's experience at Idol auditions on Friday.
So... tonight. Thoroughly enjoyable day over all. Possibly one of the best day/night combinations in quite a while. I'll start with today. For the first time in like a week I was able to catch up on some much needed sleep. I slept a couple hours Friday night after all the Idol craziness was over, then went to bed earlier than normal, got up around 12 today (Saturday) and got ready to go shopping with my mom. What you need to understand is that I never and I stress never shop with her. A few different reasons... she complains the whole time, doesn't like to linger in stores too long, constantly taking bathroom breaks even if it means re-walking the entirety of whatever marketplace we happen to be occupying... anyway I had my eye on some jeans at the Eagle on Thursday and the girl was nice enough to hold them for me until today so we went to TMP and I bought those... some pedal pushers, and some sweet polka dot pj's (which I didn't try on and, surprise surpise, did not fit! Since when is a small too big btw?). Then we went to the bathroom, then Tilly's where I bought an amazingly cute black purse for about $20 (definitely have never had a solid black purse). Then we went to Victoria's Secret!!! Yay...
I found some undies, and almost bought that amazing Biofit bra (which, to date, is probably the most comfortable bra I have ever put on) but it is $42 or something outrageous and I just didn't see myself putting it on my credit card. I don't necessarily need it (although I am obsessed with it at this point) and it will always be there. Maybe another time I can get it on sale. Anyway, I ended up getting another free PINK bag, which you get with ANY PINK purchase (even like the $2 undies I bought lol). I plan on using it tomorrow for whatever oddities I find at IKEA tomorrow with Bre.
After shopping my mom and I went to Lucille's for dinner. Amazing as usual. Beautiful men working there per the usual. Unfortunately the object of my affection was too far away for me to read his name tag but I assure you whole-heartedly of his attractiveness lol... you would be in love too. I got a phone call from Bre and she said that someone in Europe used her card somehow to buy gas fraudulently! WTF! You can't trust anybody! Well luckily the bank knew that she was out of town then so they caught it before anything bad happened to her credit, praise God for that! Money is such a tricky thing.
Around 6:15 Bre and I headed out for Third Format and had a great night there... Jeremy preached about homelessness and how we need to be a lot more willing to help God's unfortunate than we currently are. I was obviously made extremely uncomfortable by the message because of the stereotype I give homeless people, that most of them will not use the money they ask you for and sometimes receive, wisely. I would be far more likely to buy them a meal, and have had a consistent desire to do so, but am never in a situation where that is possible. It is always at the side of the freeway where I can't just ask them to jump into my truck. I wouldn't allow any stranger to do that, homeless or not. I prefer to live.
Afterwards, I was able to talk to the awesome intern boys of Camp Trek who I will thoroughly miss when they all go back to Indiana. Should have definitely gone with them to the movie tonight, it would have been nice to spend some extra time with them. But I had a great time with Bre; we stayed after 3F to watch The Princess Bride in the amphitheater, had some free pizza/chips/water (gotta love Nestle bottled water for sure). Not a bad movie if I do say so myself. The guy from Robin Hood: Men in Tights plays Wesley, and he is a funny actor, I like him. We sat in the grass for an hour and a half feeling like we were getting bitten and crawled all over by bugs, then we got up and headed back to my house. She left early to get a shower in before going to sleep, and we are going to IKEA like I said, tomorrow afternoon. I'm stoked; maybe I can find some sweet stuff for my room at PV East?
Well heck, I am really freaking tired, I have much more to say but I guess it will have to wait. I'll let you guys know if IKEA is doing anything great yet for the back-to-school season. They usually do it up so we'll see what happens. I want a laptop desk still! :)
Aim
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Survey
If you haven't already voted, I have reopened the survey at the bottom of my blog for your voting pleasure. Feel free to discuss via this blog post.
Friday, July 18, 2008
I Cannot Hide It; You're Not That Easy to Forget
I still feel awful. In my head, anyway. I keep asking for clarity, you know, from the big G.O.D. but it hasn't gotten any easier and like I told Kyle, I just don't feel like I've made any headway on my situation.
I went to the doctor again today and spent an hour and a half in there before talking to the specialist for ten minutes. You can imagine I was pissed, since I had to cancel lunch with Lauren which I've been looking forward to for what seems like a month. Part of me isn't sure I should be upset since I haven't paid a dime of what I've incurred for breaking my foot (thanks to worker's comp) but another part of me is angry that they feel like there's nothing wrong making patients wait forever and ever. It's like look: if you aren't going to see me at ten, make my appointment for 11:30 for God's sake! Like I have nothing better to do than sit around in your office all day. Luckily I didn't have to work or anything today, or I would have been even more upset.
So then, I end up being able to make lunch plans with Ryan :) and definitely..... all of a sudden my mom starts freaking out because she can't pay her bills online (her computer is not working for some reason) so I have to let her use my laptop, then when she does, she finds out that they can't process the payment until Monday (A day late) and she freaking loses her mind. How is it my problem that she doesn't know when their online payment cut off days are? So lunch had to be cut pretty short, close to 45 minutes when I typically try to stretch my lunches out so I have more quality time with whomever I am having lunch. But it was fun to see him anyway, it's been like, what, three weeks or something?
Last night was VBS... Actually the entire week has (except Tuesday night which was dinner with Tim) and it's been a blast, tonight is the last night, and I was hoping to see The Dark Knight afterwards but pretty much everyone I've asked has some excuse why not to go (not poor excuses, but nonetheless, it is what it is). So it might end up being tomorrow for that movie. Ryan is seeing it for his second time this afternoon haha, so he already has two up on me. I'm more than a little jealous.
Also, although I complain a lot about the summer, one reason for joy is Travis came back from his mission!!! Ahh I missed him so much! We got to have lunch yesterday and it was so great to see him again. He is even hotter than when he left before lol... don't get me wrong
he's always been cute, but you know what happens when guys get the chance to "grow up." And the best part is that he isn't even awkward!! We talked over Panda yesterday just like old times, and he is still as funny as ever. I'm so glad he's back :)
Other than that... I just really want this summer to be over with. It's coming very close to being finished, and I am really grateful for that. Although I've had some fun with good friends, it's just time for me to get back and do my thing. I want to get senior year over with. And before you know it, you guys, I'll be graduating! May 2009 here I come :D
I went to the doctor again today and spent an hour and a half in there before talking to the specialist for ten minutes. You can imagine I was pissed, since I had to cancel lunch with Lauren which I've been looking forward to for what seems like a month. Part of me isn't sure I should be upset since I haven't paid a dime of what I've incurred for breaking my foot (thanks to worker's comp) but another part of me is angry that they feel like there's nothing wrong making patients wait forever and ever. It's like look: if you aren't going to see me at ten, make my appointment for 11:30 for God's sake! Like I have nothing better to do than sit around in your office all day. Luckily I didn't have to work or anything today, or I would have been even more upset.
So then, I end up being able to make lunch plans with Ryan :) and definitely..... all of a sudden my mom starts freaking out because she can't pay her bills online (her computer is not working for some reason) so I have to let her use my laptop, then when she does, she finds out that they can't process the payment until Monday (A day late) and she freaking loses her mind. How is it my problem that she doesn't know when their online payment cut off days are? So lunch had to be cut pretty short, close to 45 minutes when I typically try to stretch my lunches out so I have more quality time with whomever I am having lunch. But it was fun to see him anyway, it's been like, what, three weeks or something?
Last night was VBS... Actually the entire week has (except Tuesday night which was dinner with Tim) and it's been a blast, tonight is the last night, and I was hoping to see The Dark Knight afterwards but pretty much everyone I've asked has some excuse why not to go (not poor excuses, but nonetheless, it is what it is). So it might end up being tomorrow for that movie. Ryan is seeing it for his second time this afternoon haha, so he already has two up on me. I'm more than a little jealous.
Also, although I complain a lot about the summer, one reason for joy is Travis came back from his mission!!! Ahh I missed him so much! We got to have lunch yesterday and it was so great to see him again. He is even hotter than when he left before lol... don't get me wrong
he's always been cute, but you know what happens when guys get the chance to "grow up." And the best part is that he isn't even awkward!! We talked over Panda yesterday just like old times, and he is still as funny as ever. I'm so glad he's back :)Other than that... I just really want this summer to be over with. It's coming very close to being finished, and I am really grateful for that. Although I've had some fun with good friends, it's just time for me to get back and do my thing. I want to get senior year over with. And before you know it, you guys, I'll be graduating! May 2009 here I come :D
Monday, July 14, 2008
Being Grown Up Isn't Half As Fun As Growing Up
After work today, I stopped by the grocery store to get some replacement Ben and Jerry's. For those of you who know me well, you know I have a weak spot for their cinnamon bun and half-baked flavored ice creams. I really don't care for any other types of ice cream (at the moment), and what I hate more than anything is ice cream by the gallon because of the way it ices up after one use. I hate icey ice cream (imagine that!) and more than icey ice cream, I hate when my ice cream disappears.
You know this story too well. Someone in your household gets a hankering for something you adore in the cabinet of your kitchen, or the freezer, and when you get hungry for it, you go looking and find out that it's not available anymore. You stomp madly around the house, questioning and quizzing every member of the residence, grilling them for details on the said missing item, and come up empty handed. Empty handed, that is, until your mom (or dad) gets home.
In my case, it's mom. I come home from a long day at the office, I am mid way through the day between lunch and dinner, and I get hungry for my Ben and Jerry's. I step to the freezer only to find the empty crevasse where my ice cream used to be. I can feel my nostrils flaring, my eyes glowing red. Only time will tell how much longer I can go, knowing that mom has once again consumed my heart's one earthly pleasure of that moment before I could even think about retrieving it.
When I am finally able to ask her about it, I try to maintain a calm report.
The part that is worst about this betrayal of my sweet taste buds is that my mom complains constantly about her weight, she's not happy with this area of her body, blablabla... How about this? How about you stop consuming three days' worth your daily value of fat in 20 minutes?!? I say that's a step in the right direction. I mean God! Really? And it's not like my mom is even in bad shape, but when she is always complaining, and then eats the way she does? It's not right.
This battle does not limit itself to ice cream, no. Yogurts, soda, chip variations, snack items (such as these tasty Oreo Cakesters that I'll have to hide cleverly in my room)... you name it, she will devour it. And I wouldn't even care so much if she would at least as me if she could eat all of the, or maybe even replace what she eats, but she doesn't. And I think I have a right to be upset about it despite the fact that she houses me, buys a majority of the groceries, etc... when it's things that I buy specifically for my own consumption, with my own money, that were not originally someone else's, I think I have a right to get mad.
I don't care too much if anyone agrees, but if you hear an amen for other people eating your snacks, let me have it. Now I have to go to VBS, which I'm already not too sure was such a good idea. Not because of the event, but because of certain people :sigh: I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the Kingdom!
Blessings, bbz.
You know this story too well. Someone in your household gets a hankering for something you adore in the cabinet of your kitchen, or the freezer, and when you get hungry for it, you go looking and find out that it's not available anymore. You stomp madly around the house, questioning and quizzing every member of the residence, grilling them for details on the said missing item, and come up empty handed. Empty handed, that is, until your mom (or dad) gets home.
In my case, it's mom. I come home from a long day at the office, I am mid way through the day between lunch and dinner, and I get hungry for my Ben and Jerry's. I step to the freezer only to find the empty crevasse where my ice cream used to be. I can feel my nostrils flaring, my eyes glowing red. Only time will tell how much longer I can go, knowing that mom has once again consumed my heart's one earthly pleasure of that moment before I could even think about retrieving it.
When I am finally able to ask her about it, I try to maintain a calm report.
- "So... mom. I noticed my Ben and Jerry's is missing."
- "Is it?... Oh yeah, I ate it."
- :silence: "...WHY."
- "There wasn't much left."
- "That's not the point. I wanted it! AND you ate ALL of my full one!!!"
- "Did I?"
- "ARRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!" :plates clanking and crashing to the ground, dog howling, refrigerator tips, end scene:
The part that is worst about this betrayal of my sweet taste buds is that my mom complains constantly about her weight, she's not happy with this area of her body, blablabla... How about this? How about you stop consuming three days' worth your daily value of fat in 20 minutes?!? I say that's a step in the right direction. I mean God! Really? And it's not like my mom is even in bad shape, but when she is always complaining, and then eats the way she does? It's not right.
This battle does not limit itself to ice cream, no. Yogurts, soda, chip variations, snack items (such as these tasty Oreo Cakesters that I'll have to hide cleverly in my room)... you name it, she will devour it. And I wouldn't even care so much if she would at least as me if she could eat all of the, or maybe even replace what she eats, but she doesn't. And I think I have a right to be upset about it despite the fact that she houses me, buys a majority of the groceries, etc... when it's things that I buy specifically for my own consumption, with my own money, that were not originally someone else's, I think I have a right to get mad.
I don't care too much if anyone agrees, but if you hear an amen for other people eating your snacks, let me have it. Now I have to go to VBS, which I'm already not too sure was such a good idea. Not because of the event, but because of certain people :sigh: I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the Kingdom!
Blessings, bbz.
You Told Me That You Could Sleep A Little Bit More
The last few days have been great. I've been a little busier than usual: Friday was Reed and Audrey's going away party, Yesterday was the lake, GEC reunion and 3F, and today I got to have lunch with Tommy and met with Eric to talk about the discussion group we are starting up... kind of a mix between a Bible study/small group and just a group of people getting together to hang out and talk about the Bible. I'm just so tired with everything I've attempted with small groups that it was time for something new. Thanks to my buddy Pat we should be starting this up in the next couple of weeks. Be praying for its time to be intentional and that our time to fellowship with others in it would be blessed!
I have been thinking a lot about the boy. I wrote him an email almost a week ago and have heard nothing back. I told Ashley that his lack of a response says way more to me than him writing anything back could ever mean... so contrary to previous belief, I am pretty upset about it. I just keep thinking back on this past semester and I just don't get him at all. I know he's busy, but hopefully he's just taking a bit more time to respond than I expected. I am still putting a package together for him. Maybe he'll be surprised by it and send me a line. I want to hear from him so bad :(
Other than that, things have been good. I've been spending lots of fun time with Bre and just enjoying life. Scrapbooking it up and... I cleaned the house a little today. It's a freaking mess as usual. I unfortunately have to work in like 4 and a half hours so I better get to bed. But I have slept a few hours already tonight so I should be good to go in the morning. I don't know why I was so tired today? The lake sure wore me out.
I miss you, I miss you.
I have been thinking a lot about the boy. I wrote him an email almost a week ago and have heard nothing back. I told Ashley that his lack of a response says way more to me than him writing anything back could ever mean... so contrary to previous belief, I am pretty upset about it. I just keep thinking back on this past semester and I just don't get him at all. I know he's busy, but hopefully he's just taking a bit more time to respond than I expected. I am still putting a package together for him. Maybe he'll be surprised by it and send me a line. I want to hear from him so bad :(
Other than that, things have been good. I've been spending lots of fun time with Bre and just enjoying life. Scrapbooking it up and... I cleaned the house a little today. It's a freaking mess as usual. I unfortunately have to work in like 4 and a half hours so I better get to bed. But I have slept a few hours already tonight so I should be good to go in the morning. I don't know why I was so tired today? The lake sure wore me out.
I miss you, I miss you.
Monday, July 7, 2008
My Big Black Boots and My Old Suitcase
Well... I've done it. I've figured out why it's so bad to get married like... right now. For people my age. And sorry if you read this and you are married and my age, haha, but I Know you will be able to relate to what I'm about to say so keep your mind open. And there are few individuals who fit into the stereotype I'm about to establish, so bare with me. Most likely if you are able to read my blog, you aren't one of them.
My mentors, such as bosses, teachers, co-workers, etc., have always asked me why on EARTH friends of mine get married so young. They can't figure it out! Well first, I explain to them what high school I hail from (Go Toros? lol)... which usually solves the mystery. If they still don't get it, I have no answer for them, because I don't know what it's like to be young and in love or in...fatuation. Haha.. that was until today.
So I"ve had friends who get in a relationship, and all of a sudden... they can't be their own person. They can't do anything without checking in with their significant other, and sometimes in extreme circumstances, if their partner can't come to said events, neither can my friend?! WTF is that? "Oh.. I'm just going to sit at home and wait for them to get off work and maybe I'll call you after that." No, screw that noise! You are two seperate entities, get your ass over here and hang out with me. Now, when babies are involved, that is something different, and completely understandable. But when you are in a new relationship, newly engaged or newly married, you have no excuse to sit at home and wait for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to come home before you are able to function independently (or a lack there of).
I think I've about covered it there. This is like a disease! Spreading! Rapidly! Yet nothing can be done about it. What a shame. For a little while there I was thinking "Oh man, it would be great to be married right now!" NO. Then I moved to, "Oh, maybe I want to be engaged right now?" DEFINITELY NOT. Heck, at this rate, I should just stay away from relationships entirely until after grad school. My functionality and productivity granted do decrease in times of twitterpation, but I at least still make time for my friends and activities that don't involve them!! Geez, come on people. Especially if you're married, or about to get married, you have the rest of your lives to socialize exclusively with yourselves, and exclude others from your personal lives. And to "only" hang out with other marrieds/couples.
Plus, I encourage my friends to tell me when I need to snap out of it and call them. But guess what? In the same way my outgoing call frequency ratio decreases, so does my incoming call frequency!! It's like everyone figures I am too busy with (insert guy here) to hang out, and that's usually not the case at all. This past semester, it was homework, hang time with the boy, and a lot of sitting around. Nobody wants to make time for me because I'm a girlfriend!? It's CRAP!
So lately I've been trying to make an effort with some individuals, and am getting pushed away. It's not just their relationship doing this though, what is also to blame is the insertion of "stuff" to fill their schedule. How does a person not have one free half hour the entire week, you ask? I do not have an answer for that. Because I ALWAYS make time for my friends, no matter how busy I am. You ask anyone. And I know some of you will read this and try to rebuke me for making that statement, because "not everyone is as holy as you" with much undue sarcasm, but it's not about being holy. It's about knowing when the right time is to just do "Stuff" and when the right time is to put "stuff" aside, remap my priorities, and engage once again in what really matters. Without each other and God, we have nothing people. Nothing. So let's build each other up in community, let's fellowship, let's save time for each other and be genuinely interested in other people's lives. Not just in passing, not just the "How's it going" when you really don't care to deal with the response if it's anything other than "Good! You?" Because we automatically register a response for that; we know the question will always eventually get directed back at ourselves so we prepare for the spotlight yet again.
So when you ask me what's up, and I say I'm ok, then ask how you're doing... I'm probably not really ok. You should investigate. Because I will be honest if I am really doing great, and I will tell you why. But the question is... will you take the time to listen?
That's my rant for today, and you can tell how much this was pressing on my heart by the fact that I'm writing a blog during lunch hour at work haha. Go figure. Things are going great today, yesterday I had a great day hanging out/swimming/shopping with MoBre, and I even made a new friend after 3F on Saturday night! :)
Also, speaking of 3F, I have to say if it wasn't for Bre I probably wouldn't be coming back week after week. Just remember that maybe, just maybe, if you're reading this, you are unfortunately part of the reason I was hesitant to come back to that worship service. And why I still hold reservations about committing to it completely as my one major worship service. I still enjoy big church, and I'm not going anywhere, because I know Central is definitely where I Belong, but the niche I had carved out for myself in Third Format has been filled already, and I don't feel needed there in the same way I used to. But I did learn a lot about myself: that I don't always have to do what other figures in the church think I should do, that makes me look like "a stronger/dare I say "better" Christian." It's between me and the big G-O-D now, folks, I'm not allowing anyone to middleman anymore. It's a bogus way to live out your faith, to let church, or "the" church interfere with what plans God has for you. Why is it that the direction you feel God is leading you in is sometimes a contradiction with what others think is the direction you should be going? Well I don't care too much about that anymore. I appreciate your input, but realy, what God is moving me to do is between me and God, not me and you and God and our pastor, and the worship leader, and, and... (not any pastor or WL specifically obviously).
If you guys feel me, give me an amen. Sorry this was real long!
My mentors, such as bosses, teachers, co-workers, etc., have always asked me why on EARTH friends of mine get married so young. They can't figure it out! Well first, I explain to them what high school I hail from (Go Toros? lol)... which usually solves the mystery. If they still don't get it, I have no answer for them, because I don't know what it's like to be young and in love or in...fatuation. Haha.. that was until today.
So I"ve had friends who get in a relationship, and all of a sudden... they can't be their own person. They can't do anything without checking in with their significant other, and sometimes in extreme circumstances, if their partner can't come to said events, neither can my friend?! WTF is that? "Oh.. I'm just going to sit at home and wait for them to get off work and maybe I'll call you after that." No, screw that noise! You are two seperate entities, get your ass over here and hang out with me. Now, when babies are involved, that is something different, and completely understandable. But when you are in a new relationship, newly engaged or newly married, you have no excuse to sit at home and wait for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to come home before you are able to function independently (or a lack there of).
I think I've about covered it there. This is like a disease! Spreading! Rapidly! Yet nothing can be done about it. What a shame. For a little while there I was thinking "Oh man, it would be great to be married right now!" NO. Then I moved to, "Oh, maybe I want to be engaged right now?" DEFINITELY NOT. Heck, at this rate, I should just stay away from relationships entirely until after grad school. My functionality and productivity granted do decrease in times of twitterpation, but I at least still make time for my friends and activities that don't involve them!! Geez, come on people. Especially if you're married, or about to get married, you have the rest of your lives to socialize exclusively with yourselves, and exclude others from your personal lives. And to "only" hang out with other marrieds/couples.
Plus, I encourage my friends to tell me when I need to snap out of it and call them. But guess what? In the same way my outgoing call frequency ratio decreases, so does my incoming call frequency!! It's like everyone figures I am too busy with (insert guy here) to hang out, and that's usually not the case at all. This past semester, it was homework, hang time with the boy, and a lot of sitting around. Nobody wants to make time for me because I'm a girlfriend!? It's CRAP!
So lately I've been trying to make an effort with some individuals, and am getting pushed away. It's not just their relationship doing this though, what is also to blame is the insertion of "stuff" to fill their schedule. How does a person not have one free half hour the entire week, you ask? I do not have an answer for that. Because I ALWAYS make time for my friends, no matter how busy I am. You ask anyone. And I know some of you will read this and try to rebuke me for making that statement, because "not everyone is as holy as you" with much undue sarcasm, but it's not about being holy. It's about knowing when the right time is to just do "Stuff" and when the right time is to put "stuff" aside, remap my priorities, and engage once again in what really matters. Without each other and God, we have nothing people. Nothing. So let's build each other up in community, let's fellowship, let's save time for each other and be genuinely interested in other people's lives. Not just in passing, not just the "How's it going" when you really don't care to deal with the response if it's anything other than "Good! You?" Because we automatically register a response for that; we know the question will always eventually get directed back at ourselves so we prepare for the spotlight yet again.
So when you ask me what's up, and I say I'm ok, then ask how you're doing... I'm probably not really ok. You should investigate. Because I will be honest if I am really doing great, and I will tell you why. But the question is... will you take the time to listen?
That's my rant for today, and you can tell how much this was pressing on my heart by the fact that I'm writing a blog during lunch hour at work haha. Go figure. Things are going great today, yesterday I had a great day hanging out/swimming/shopping with MoBre, and I even made a new friend after 3F on Saturday night! :)
Also, speaking of 3F, I have to say if it wasn't for Bre I probably wouldn't be coming back week after week. Just remember that maybe, just maybe, if you're reading this, you are unfortunately part of the reason I was hesitant to come back to that worship service. And why I still hold reservations about committing to it completely as my one major worship service. I still enjoy big church, and I'm not going anywhere, because I know Central is definitely where I Belong, but the niche I had carved out for myself in Third Format has been filled already, and I don't feel needed there in the same way I used to. But I did learn a lot about myself: that I don't always have to do what other figures in the church think I should do, that makes me look like "a stronger/dare I say "better" Christian." It's between me and the big G-O-D now, folks, I'm not allowing anyone to middleman anymore. It's a bogus way to live out your faith, to let church, or "the" church interfere with what plans God has for you. Why is it that the direction you feel God is leading you in is sometimes a contradiction with what others think is the direction you should be going? Well I don't care too much about that anymore. I appreciate your input, but realy, what God is moving me to do is between me and God, not me and you and God and our pastor, and the worship leader, and, and... (not any pastor or WL specifically obviously).
If you guys feel me, give me an amen. Sorry this was real long!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Can You Still Feel the Butterflies?
Two nights ago I did something I never thought I would have the nerve to do. It's finished. I'm starting a new chapter. And he has no idea that it's off my mind. I just can't keep living life like that.
Tonight I "just watch[ed] the fireworks" with Bre and Breck in the Fiesta Mall parking lot lol... it was good considering we didn't pay and the only reason we were there was because Central didn't have a show this year because apparently they spent all the money opening the Gilbert campus? Bre and I thought a lot of people would probably still show up even though we didn't advertise, and a lot of people would probably set up to watch from their backyards and stuff and, not going to Central or paying attention to the lack of advertising, be disappointed. Anyway, "Just Watch the Fireworks." I am listening to that song by Jimmy right now. It sure makes me think of high school. Things were so much simpler then! And every day was just one enormous, exciting journey after the other. Very few responsibilities and much less to worry about. I miss those times.
I'm still waiting for more people to confirm shirt orders for the American Idol shirts. The more I read about and prepare for the auditions, the more scared I am. Just scared because if you don't make it to the next tier of auditions, they tell you right then and there. And then you go home, or you wait around I guess? I've been trying to narrow down a few songs...
- Toni Braxton "Unbreak my Heart" (although I read that they don't really want ballads)
- Krystal Harris "Love is a Beautiful Thing"
- The Beatles "Let It Be"
Good choices I think because my vocal range is not the highest or widest in the world. I have to be safe. Although AGAIN (another although, haha) I also read that while they are looking for talent in the first few auditions, they are more looking for personality and style because they can eliminate all the people with good voices and non-Idol appearance material right from the beginning. So I also have to start thinking about what would be good to wear! Any suggestions? I hate all my clothes lol
Another thing: does anyone know a good dermatologist? I need to find one. I'm getting really tired, I should go to sleep now. Bye :)
Tonight I "just watch[ed] the fireworks" with Bre and Breck in the Fiesta Mall parking lot lol... it was good considering we didn't pay and the only reason we were there was because Central didn't have a show this year because apparently they spent all the money opening the Gilbert campus? Bre and I thought a lot of people would probably still show up even though we didn't advertise, and a lot of people would probably set up to watch from their backyards and stuff and, not going to Central or paying attention to the lack of advertising, be disappointed. Anyway, "Just Watch the Fireworks." I am listening to that song by Jimmy right now. It sure makes me think of high school. Things were so much simpler then! And every day was just one enormous, exciting journey after the other. Very few responsibilities and much less to worry about. I miss those times.
I'm still waiting for more people to confirm shirt orders for the American Idol shirts. The more I read about and prepare for the auditions, the more scared I am. Just scared because if you don't make it to the next tier of auditions, they tell you right then and there. And then you go home, or you wait around I guess? I've been trying to narrow down a few songs...
- Toni Braxton "Unbreak my Heart" (although I read that they don't really want ballads)
- Krystal Harris "Love is a Beautiful Thing"
- The Beatles "Let It Be"
Good choices I think because my vocal range is not the highest or widest in the world. I have to be safe. Although AGAIN (another although, haha) I also read that while they are looking for talent in the first few auditions, they are more looking for personality and style because they can eliminate all the people with good voices and non-Idol appearance material right from the beginning. So I also have to start thinking about what would be good to wear! Any suggestions? I hate all my clothes lol
Another thing: does anyone know a good dermatologist? I need to find one. I'm getting really tired, I should go to sleep now. Bye :)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Between the Lines
What is the deal with these past couple of days being awesome? Is it just because this is what happens when you stop trying to control everything and hand God the reins again? Yeah. I basically think I have things figured out, then He surprises me with what I can't think of a better word for than a reappearance, a revitalization for my life. I have a sense that even better things are yet to come! Yay for self-discovery moments.
Me, Tim and Joey went to Lucille's and had bomb food as usual. Sweet tea! (LOVE) I studied for the GRE some, a few minutes with Lindsay as she freaked out because she can't use a calc haha.. and before that, I worked from like 9:15 to 3:50 (yay for being an hour and 15 minutes late for work because I overslept?? No!!) annnnd.... oh yeah!
Today at work I didn't have tons to do so I was intermittently distracted by the note I wrote on Facebook about myself trying out for the big Idol in 3 weeks. 12 comments. Most of whom writing words of support and expressing their interest in an aforementioned shirt creation idea?! YES. So I spent the majority of the afternoon creating a first draft of the shirt I would like my fans to wear (lol) and it looks really good. But I have a feeling a lot of guys are going to take issue with wearing a teal colored shirt with hot pink text on it?? So I am willing to consider suggestions for a different shirt design. Marc thinks black would be stylin' but I just think it's too hot to wear black :( My second color scheme choice would be Sun Devil colors!! Things are happening... I am stoked. But it's a big undertaking! I want to order at least 30 shirts so the price will be about $12/shirt (not bad) and more shirt requests than that will drive the price down dollar by dollar, at 50 shirts we could get them for $9! But I am also going to look at a couple other print shops and see what kind of deals I can get when I compare them. The shirt I made for Alex with the panda bear on it from Brand X was as much as the online company wanted to charge me per piece at 6 items!!?! SO.. just a guess but I think Brand X will be much cheaper.
I need to get in bed at some point here so I can get better sleep than last night! I only got about 3 hours and that's about a third of what I usually get (on Saturdays and such). Tomorrow is the last day of the pay period and you know what that means... one week from tomorrow I get PAID!!! First pay check from my job!! Weeee... can't wait for that sweet, sweet cash flow.
Goodnight! (Really, a good one)
Me, Tim and Joey went to Lucille's and had bomb food as usual. Sweet tea! (LOVE) I studied for the GRE some, a few minutes with Lindsay as she freaked out because she can't use a calc haha.. and before that, I worked from like 9:15 to 3:50 (yay for being an hour and 15 minutes late for work because I overslept?? No!!) annnnd.... oh yeah!
Today at work I didn't have tons to do so I was intermittently distracted by the note I wrote on Facebook about myself trying out for the big Idol in 3 weeks. 12 comments. Most of whom writing words of support and expressing their interest in an aforementioned shirt creation idea?! YES. So I spent the majority of the afternoon creating a first draft of the shirt I would like my fans to wear (lol) and it looks really good. But I have a feeling a lot of guys are going to take issue with wearing a teal colored shirt with hot pink text on it?? So I am willing to consider suggestions for a different shirt design. Marc thinks black would be stylin' but I just think it's too hot to wear black :( My second color scheme choice would be Sun Devil colors!! Things are happening... I am stoked. But it's a big undertaking! I want to order at least 30 shirts so the price will be about $12/shirt (not bad) and more shirt requests than that will drive the price down dollar by dollar, at 50 shirts we could get them for $9! But I am also going to look at a couple other print shops and see what kind of deals I can get when I compare them. The shirt I made for Alex with the panda bear on it from Brand X was as much as the online company wanted to charge me per piece at 6 items!!?! SO.. just a guess but I think Brand X will be much cheaper.
I need to get in bed at some point here so I can get better sleep than last night! I only got about 3 hours and that's about a third of what I usually get (on Saturdays and such). Tomorrow is the last day of the pay period and you know what that means... one week from tomorrow I get PAID!!! First pay check from my job!! Weeee... can't wait for that sweet, sweet cash flow.
Goodnight! (Really, a good one)
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